my thought process

this is one of those posts that doesnt really have a specific point, but i've got a lot on my mind.

i've never really been one to keep my thoughts to myself. i personally feel it's healthier for ME to talk something out, seek advice, hear other opinions (not necessarily make them my own, but it helps me to see things from other perspectives), rather than having to consciously or subconsciously obsess over a thought that may only stress me out further. so that's what brings me here. my blog. hello, blog! i've got an issue..

often times i'm considered an over thinker. which is true. i do over think. but that's conditioning. because i've been exposed to (what i feel is) a lot of shit in (what i feel is) a short period of time. my life's experiences have in a sense, scared me to trust and be vulnerable to people and give chances among other things. but that happens. that's why it's harder for people to trust once their hearts have been broken via relationship, friendship, family issues..whatever, it's all conditioning. and that's what life is. shit happens and it shapes you, molds you and teaches you a lesson that will ultimately stick with you...forever. and you will carry these lessons you've learned into nearly every aspect of your life from that day forth. your life has been changed. with everyday that goes by, we learn something...and whether it's a big something, or a little something, things plant themselves in our minds - whether we realize it/want it to, or not. ....but...back to my point...i think too much.

and (unfortunately at times) i've been cursed with a strong belief in the saying 'everything happens for a reason' ...and while at times this simply 5-worded saying gets me through the TOUGHEST of times...it also makes me over think...everything "since this person left my life should i let them walk out or is it a test to see how much i truly value and will fight for our relationship?" ..thats the kind of stuff i think about..and i'm thinking all the time. it's horrible. it gets me into so much trouble. and like i said when i first started this post, i'm not one to keep my thoughts to myself...so that makes this situation even deeper. on one hand, i thought this blog would help me channel my thoughts in a productive manner, but i realize it's just a way for me to share my thoughts with an even wider audience than i normally would - leaving more room for misinterpretation, my thoughts falling into the wrong hands (coming across the wrong eyes), etc. etc. but more so, my thoughts get me into trouble in a more direct way. they usually lead me to making the wrong decisions....ironic, right? not like i usually choose the wrong answers, but i find that when i tell people what i'm honestly thinking, about my fears, concerns, issues...whether it be about me, them, an 'us', or a third party......it always, without fail backfires on me.

so towards the end of this summer i started a little practice. i stopped sharing my thoughts. i stopped blogging, barely tweeting..barely talking. and while on one hand, i was getting into less 'trouble,' people took offense to it....well if that's what it takes, so be it. it's apparent that you can't please everyone..especially when youve got to look out for yourself.

i'm not really sure what im getting at. but i've come to the realization that i think so much out of a fear of making the wrong choice. i've made some poor decisions in my life. everyone does at some point..but i'm tired of them coming back and biting me in the ass. before i make anything permanent, i know have to make sure my chances of success are waaaay higher than my chances of failure. but that's not how life works. everything isnt a simple mathematical equation that way. there isnt always a 'right' and 'wrong' answer. sometimes you just have to go with what you feel at the moment. you can't always avoid heart ache, sadness or pain ...sometimes you just gotta take it, learn from it and move on. because if you spend your whole life trying to avoid a few tears (however your emotional outlet may come)...you'll find you miss out on a lot of great opportunities just because you THOUGHT you knew how things would turn out.

i've learned that you have to put your faith in a higher power and most importantly, have faith in YOURSELF above anything..life isnt one big problem we were meant to solve. we, as humans, don't have all the answers. we are destined to make mistakes and it is inevitable. often times, it takes a big mistake to learn a lesson. God works in mysterious ways..you gotta understand that you're just along for the ride.

there's this quote i read a while back that always kind of seems to pick me up whenever i feel a little down and out about something..it went something like:

"every story has a happy ending.
if you're not happy...it's not the end"

live;laugh;love.