we dont love these ohhs..

"i don't love em. i don't chase em, i duck em." - wiz. #preach my beautiful, talented, amazing brotha.

for some strange reason, i'm noticing that just about every guy seems to think that all girls want to hear is that you love em.
i'm not sure how that philosophy came about, but...uhh...i don't think so.

"no, i really do love you."

that shit is high key scary, intimidating, a bit creepy at times.

lately i've noticed, [and this may just be the clingy dudes that i attract from time to time] that dudes seem to be the ones that fall hard for the ladies these days ...and so suddenly. it's looking like guys are looking for commitment nowadays more than most females. but i think that's always been the case. most dudes like having a safety (girl at home) to make them feel special/loved/wanted/significant/like they claim-their-girl-for-no-one-else-to-have, but still they like to roam, flirt and have fun in the meantime and in between time. well, i aint mad atcha. i guess.

*sidenote:but if you've got a girl who know's you've got alternative motives and still fuckswitcha, why work extra hard to convince her it's something it's not when it is? that's something that i never got.

i, on the other hand, have catching up to do. i've been 'committed' [more or less..but definitely more] my whole dating life. and for one reason or another things didn't work out, however they all had a similar pattern. all these dudes said they 'love'd me...

clearly love simply translates into 'i like you significantly more than these other hoes..'

unfortunately, now i just simply don't believe in the words 'i love you' ...at least not like i used to. i used to feel like those words would solve any problem, explain any emotion, disregard any actions - but they don't. they're just words.

love to me is no longer something you speak, it's something you show. now don't get me wrong, i don't discredit love. you can definitely love someone but still fuck up here and there, however, 2 days after our first date, you're telling me you love me? i mean.....let us be real now; i'm cool, but not that cool.

so don't tell me you love me anymore just because you think that will make me yours. feel special in any kind of way. make me want to be with you. make me feel like you actually care. because God forbid i actually believe you, end up falling for you, and have you pull some dumb, unforgivable shit. i'd rather let us slowly progress and if love comes it comes, if it doesn't, we had fun...

*thumbs up*

not to mention: we don't love deez hoes.

Living & Loving Out Loud

Book Recommendation: Living and Loving Out Loud by brother Cornel West.

this book came out in late 2009, october-ish i believe, so it's nothing new, however, my recommendation isnt that random. he speaks a lot about finding ones self. many could use the inspiration & wise words.

he calls himself a "bluesman in the life of the mind, and a jazzman in the world of ideas."

honestly, this man speaks volumes i wish i could expose to my entire generation.

but i'll start with those who read my blog...

this is an excerpt from his book:

"But what does it mean to be a bluesman in the life of the mind? Like my fellow musicians, I've got to forge a unique style and voice that expresses my own quest for truth and love. That means following the quest wherever it leads and bearing whatever cost is required. I must break through isolated academic frameworks while, at the same time, I must build on the best of academic knowledge. I must fuel the fire of my soul so my intellectual blues can set others on fire. And most importantly, I must be a free spirit. I must unapologetically reveal my broken life as a thing of beauty.

I try to give heart to intellect by being true to the funk of living. For me, this can only be seen through the lens of the cross and realized in the light of love. This is the reason that I greet each person struggling through time and space in search of love and meaning before they die as brother or sister no matter what their color. I affirm them as brother or sister to acknowledge their human struggle and suffering. It's not simply a greeting that Christians reserve for other Christians, or even an acknowledgement reserved for and between black people. Both are too narrow.

In a dark world, this means making pain and sorrow my constant companions as I engage in an endless quest for healing and serving others. If I can touch one person — you, holding this book right now — to examine the funk and the capacity to love in your own life so that you become more truly you at your best, then I will not have labored in vain."

another thing (or 2) he's said in an interview that has stuck out to me --

" You can't have a high-quality relationship without time and without trust. Now, I'm pretty good on the trust, but my time is always so tight because I'm on the move all the time. It is very difficult to sustain a high-quality relationship that has the kind of mutual intensity, that has a kind of mutual respect, without putting in time.

Now, of course, I could have said that the other way. The men also require inordinate attention in terms of a high-quality relationship because the standards apply to brothers as well as sisters, sisters as well as brothers of all colors, all cultures, all civilization."

and

"Yeah, you got to keep moving. That's the difficulty, though, brother, because, you know, sooner or later you do get tired. You know, we're all vanishing organisms and disappearing creatures in space and time - that death sentence in space in time that Kafka talked about with such profundity. And so the question becomes, what you do in the meantime? And you go - if you're forever on the move, especially in the life of the mind; forever reading veraciously, writing, speaking, lecturing, trying to unsettle minds, trying to touch souls, trying to encourage and inspire, on the one hand, but also trying to unhouse(ph) and unnerve people, so that they have to reexamine themselves, society and the world on the others. There's tremendous joy in it."

Interview: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=114287606

brilliant, brilliant man. i wonder how many young men look up to him...or even know what he's all about...

#dead

i have this fear of regret. more so regretting losing someone who i know has or can change my life for the better. having them hate me when the feeling isn't mutual (which would have to be always, because i don't hate anyone). seems like the worse thing ever.

but this 'fear' of regret keeps me on my toes. making sure i do right by others. making sure my intentions aren't ill.

*unrelated, but kind of*

i often wonder about people...

like, how they're living, if they're really as happy as they make themselves out to be or if they're living their lives convincing themselves that everything is so perfect & just how they want it to be, so no one can ever say 'i told you so.' it's one thing to love yourself unconditionally, but when loving yourself so much you are numb to other peoples' emotions, it's a-whole-nother level of pride. narcissism.

narcissist can't believe in regret.

honestly, people like that scare me. not because i'm scared of them literally, but because, to me, that's like one step below evil. maybe it's just because i'm such an empathetic person (not to be mistaken for 'pathetic'). but i want those around me to be happy as well as myself. but the ones who will step over you or will stab you in the back to get to "the top" are the ones you have to look out for. they're the kind of people that make you regret ever trusting and make it difficult to ever want to trust again. people so consumed in themselves that they're willing to hurt those they 'love.' ...then they end up being unloved by so many - yet theyre still happy? really?

well,

the only people left to be loved by, are the ones who don't actually care about you, but just use you to make themselves happy.......

i mean, they're the kind of people who won't even recycle, so you know they don't care about other people.

think about the things they say to you about their 'friends' or how easily they lose friends. consider their past. consider their words. consider how easy it is for them to be fake. how could you ever trust or rely on someone who's willing to do wrong by so many?

maybe it's just me. maybe i just have a conscience.

regardless, i don't regret caring about others.

so what if it hurts me, at times. i'm positive the reward will outweigh the costs.

what's the point of trying to get somewhere if you lose the respect and love of so many along the way? at least i have support...respect...emotions....shit, call me a HUMANitarian.

#iCare.

it's possibly the fact that i'm having a simpin' moment[day/week/month..year], buuuut...

AlbumsThatNeverGetOld - Lessons In Love; Lloyd

"...i've been knowin you about forever. i was wonderin if we got together, it just might be the truth - perfect for me and you. now look it here, i've got something for you to hold. and i don't care who may see or who may know. cuz i want you so bad and girl you know i'm a G, so i aint takin no for an answer, cuz i would like to see if we could kiss a little bit, hug a little bit, touch a little bit, maybe rub a little bit. i'm the man of your dreams, you should know what i mean...baby can't you see i'll treat you goooood.

this really is the year of the lover.........is it wrong that i feel like this? is it bad to have you here? for you i have much respect, don't want you to regret stepping out behind your dude, even though you know it's the right move, even though you know it's an upgrade, even though you know you want to stay....." - [Treat U Good]

"...i know what your used to, and i can show you something that's better. see girl i know he used to abuse you, he only used to get on my level. i can change your life, if you let me, i can do it, i know just what you need. i can change your life. i can make you happy girl, if you let me. i'll make your puzzle complete - i can change your life."

- [I Can Change Your Life]

"...i know i've found a winner - i hope you're ready to run your victory lap. this is the year of the lover. let's make a baby. let's do something crazy. let's reach out and love one another." -[Year Of The Lover]

this really is a year of love.

loverrrs

"this one's for my baby though,

witcho sexy ass. shit, i'm still looking at them pictures that you text me last. that's the effect she has...i promise you, the sex we has, it damn sure doesn't need a pill - when they off of x, we pass. she make it bounce, just like when bad checks be cashed.
her coke bottle shape will make you give up Pepsi fast....."

call him Mr. Upgrade...

'...or Mr. Front Page, or Mr. Fast Lane - No Front Brakes ..'cuz she gone.'

a lot of the people around me are having these epiphanies that their relationships are proof of them settling. Being with someone based solely off of appearance or convenience, or because they liked you first. personally, i feel that's all wrong. to me, true, long-lasting happiness in a relationship has to be based on way more than looks or ease. that's a first class ticket to getting 'comfortable' if you ask me. pretty soon, once the looks fade and what was once exciting and spontaneous becomes ordinary, you have virtually nothing left.

my new years resolution to myself was to stop being the person in a relationship pushing my partner to be better, because, not to toot my own horn, but i'm a challenger for someone to do and be better, and after a while, i just want to be inspired too. you can't force someone to be something if they don't do shit themselves. talking about your goals is only interesting for so long... so instead of settling for a project, i'm interested in a prize. and i'd like to make my partner feel the same about me. to me, it's about respect, and who can you respect more than someone that's doing something with their life?...like, actually making moves instead of talking a bunch of game. i like looking up to him and thinking inside, "damn, thats a Man in every sense of the word." so if you're going to speak to me about it, my advice would always be, in a relationship, aspire to be with someone who challenges you, not someone who will fill the spot for the now and hope/try to make someone something theyre not in the future. ...and if your'e going to leave someone to be with someone else... at least upgrade to someone that's doing something...someone that will take you places - literally and figuratively :)

"...and thats how i live, and i wont change for the world, make your man feel like you gonna need a chain for your girl. says she been searchin around for some change in the world, i'm doin sh*t that you not, so im lookin like Barack to her...."

Take Yo Bitch; Wiz Khalifa