under yourself

i really want to yell 'get over yourself!' ...but it's really the opposite problem that they have.

i've noticed i've dated the most top notch of insecure people. the craziest thing is, they're never as insecure as they seem until you get to know them. what's even crazier is that the lack of insecurity they seem to possess is what's attracted me to them in the first place --- and boy, am i always in for a surprise.

i blame myself though.

when i find myself involved with insecure males, i feel sorry for them - not in the mean way, genuinely, i feel bad. and i go out of my way...even if it means lying, to make them feel better about themselves. nothing is worse than a man who constantly plays the victim or is never sure of himself, always comparing or never confident. cue me, and i'm showering him with compliments and 'i love you's right and left.

i stroke the ego like nobody's business.

often times i get caught up in the role and i give into the babying that these dudes require. yes, require. and when i sit back and reflect on what i did...i couldn't be more ashamed. oh, but it gets worse. so let's say, for whatever reason, these relationships don't work out, now i have this dude sitting there thinking he means more to me than he actually does. and nothing's worse than a guy who thinks youre completely head over heels for him when you're not.

but on the plus side, i realized this whole making the guy feel like he's the most specialist thing in the world to you, is the key to playing the game. everyone just wants to feel loved like they're the only one. and as long as you're giving them that, nothing else is questioned.......

i, on the other hand, don't require ego stroking or constant compliments, praise and the such from my romantic partner. i know who and what i am, i don't need someone else to reassure me that i'm a rad individual. thus, i sought a person who can say the same about themselves. and honestly, it's the most rewarding thing in a romantic partner. the sexiest & most appealing thing too. i'm not looking for someone who has all the answers to life, or someone who is at the peak of their success, i admire a man in route to becoming the man he wants to be.

security shouldn't be associated with a stage of life, it should be a personality trait you always possess.

be who you are. be confident in and proud of it.

if you're not proud of yourself, don't expect others to convince you to be. it's tiring and boring. and you're just being selfish and annoying for requiring it. that is all.

mean girls

for the record - females do not choose to not have other female friends.

having gone to an all-girls school for seven years of my life, in addition to being a female myself, i consider myself fairly knowledgeable about the subject of how girls work. Lately i've noticed quite a few girls claiming to not have female friends because they've chosen to live that way. no. even the most masculine of girls will have a group of dedicated female friends that will have their back no matter what - if they don't, see it as a red flag.

if a woman, especially at this 'young adult' age, doesnt have a solid group of female friends, i would advise you to see it as a flaw in the lady herself. most females who claim to not have friends because they don't support someone's lifestyle, or they don't like the way their friends behave or claim to simply 'not like girls' ...it's usually because their core friends rejected them at some point in life, and in actuality, it's the group of friends who don't support the lifestyle of the one girl -- normally, she's just an untrustworthy individual. now i'm sure many people feel that groups of female friends are just drama in themselves, but girls are intuitive and don't hesitate to act (often times, not verbally) if someone is no longer on their good side.

as a guy, think of it like this, what are your girls priorities? is it you? because friends always come first in a girls life who has a set of genuine friends.

i have fallen into the trap of befriending those who are often ostracized and isolated (more often than not, it's because i'm asked to do so). however, it doesn't take long to realize why certain people don't have many friends in the first place. you can't hold these people completely responsible for their actions though, more often than not, it's deeper than the fact that they lie a few times or didn't come through here or there. People who don't have a core group of friends are usually to self-indulged to provide the mutual caring of one another that friendship entails. Friends are not perfect, don't expect them to be, but anyone who says fuck a real friendship has some type of internal, often unstable and/or insecurity issue.

how a person treats their friends says a loooot about them. so take note.

i always joke about saying i don't have any female friends, but the reality is, i do. they're just off making something of themselves and we just so happen to be spread out all over the country. but at the end of the day, i have a core group of best friends who will have my back no matter what. and honestly, that's one of the most priceless and amazing blessings God has given me. I wouldn't be half the person i am today without the women i've had by my side throughout the last 10+ years....and i know half the heartless females in this world wouldn't be so bitchy if they had friends they could turn to, and support them.

bros before hoes. trust me, it's almost never worth it.

maybe we could hold hands...

*sigh*

i'm laying here listening to all this lovey, emotional music thinking about someone - just one person. i told myself i wouldn't catch feelings anytime soon, especially like this.

man, i enjoy[ed] being single. but if i'm being real with myself, it was inevitable...ever since that letter. but, he is The Truth, and he is so real, and i love the way that he makes me feel.

"how many ways can i tell you that i love you and i need you in my life? ..you got me rushin home through traffic at night just to hold you tight. so, listen babe, i could never forget your love. it's me and you, my wish came true and you're everything that i dreamed of. i wanna kiss you, want you close when i miss you, wanna rap you in these arms. i'm so glad that i'm the one that keeps your body warm at night..."

-In The Morning; Tank