real shit.

Together Apart: The Documentary from chriskazirolle on Vimeo.

men are from mars and women are from venus

Every girl, at some point in her [hopefully 'young adult'] life, goes through a guy who makes her feel (and sometimes even act) a little crazy..a little..out of character, to say the least. and we can never really understand why, so we pin a phrase to it and justify it by saying "love makes you do crazy things." ...but loving someone doesnt necessarily justify them driving you crazy...

And guys always wonder why they're dealing with 'crazy b*tches.' Its because they make us act 'crazy' ...which is really just an emotion females experience from being enraged with frustration due to a male's level of immaturity ..or inability to be the men we know they can be.

[to me] It seems like nowadays, men prefer to be stuck in this childish phase. Fear of growing up and having to face the real challenges of life. Because, face it, life is hard and growing up is scary..who wouldn't want to trade paying electricity bills, a 9-5 and/or providing for a child, for playing video games and going to parties and hitting on girls? I really believe that [some] guys can get so consumed in this easy life that they seem to get by on for sooo long, that they simply avoid really growing up mentally..emotionally. i know women mature faster and all...but damn.
I feel as though more and more men are stuck on trying to find an easy way out by just dodging emotions all together..to the best of their ability at least. Their mentalities are all out of wack. Like Baby Boy. So much of a man's life nowadays is synonymous with that of a child's. And I'm not putting this all on men, this is a result of society..and my generation....and women.

Society praises this idea of an independent woman being the ideal mate, that women are becoming less and less reliant on men for anything...but sex. And as a result, men flock together and do what 'men do' chase girls, play video games, kick back - have fun, because no women are there 'tying them down' or 'holding them back.' so now women don't want men and men seem to prefer that..

Its unfortunate because while we have a black man as president and this strong woman by his side, many people thought this would lead to an uprising in black men trying to make something of themselves and looking even pursuing women doing the same, but it instead, it almost seems with my generation, that more men are finding comfort in the life and achievements they come across this far...at age 20..and just stop...and linger..and are satisfied....and proud..and settle for the girls who are available at their leisure. why? and less people are putting aside their dreams of rock-stardom to pursue school, and instead so many's realities are the other way around and everyone is looking to find an easy way out by trying to be a celebrity. And to top it off, since society is telling women we can't rely on men to "provide for" us, more women seem to be taking on two or three jobs AND school. If not taking care of a family in addition to that...and making it on their own.

and some men STILL feel like to impress women they can just floss their money, but so many women make their own money that its [slowly] losing its importance in representing what a man can "do for us." While its nice to have your own change in those pockets as a man, women are steady thinking, 'well what can you bring to the table that I can't already provide myself?'

In all honesty, as much as they praise the idea, I don't think most men can handle the idea of a true independent woman. Because men want to be wanted in addition to needed (whether they admit it or not) and they get intimidated when a woman can provide for and take care of her own, have her own life and achieve on her own without a man on her side the entire way..because then it seems as though the value of the man loses its importance and men become less "manly." Which to me, is bull shit..but some men feel that way..so i've heard. Like they've lost their title as 'man' in the relationship if we may go somewhere and I drive, or if I'm capable of picking up my end of the dinner bill. Insecure men, i've noticed, need cheerleaders in a girl they're talking to. someone to come to for motivation and encouragement every now and then..and all the times in between. someone to share their dream and believe in them as much as they believe in themselves if not more..because they don't believe enough in themselves. And some desperate-for-men women succumb to that. So if you're not stroking your insecure man's ego every 2 seconds, believe he is seeking those strokes in someone else (pun intended..) And while some women feel like they're actually providing that man with something, doing good, or giving what another woman couldn't, please believe you are simply a crutch keeping some handicapped man around when his wheel chair kept rolling with out him. Eventually he'll get to heavy for you, and fall and realize he needs to learn to walk on his own. why not pursue a man that can stand strong and tall on his own next to you?

While on the other hand, women can have "their girls" who are just as good of an emotional support as a man (if not better)..so we as 'independent women' are becoming slower to rely on a man for emotional aspects now too. Men tend to be more private, selfish and jealous and rarely encourage one another to the same extent as a woman can or with the same genuineness..so at times, men simply need the femininity of a female. While not ALL men need this, a majority of young, developing men.. those trying to find themselves and their position in the world and all that, do. They may not admit it, but they do.

As women, people judge us because we talk about looking for a man who has his own and can stand on his own, a man with confidence (but not so full of himself) and dignity (without being ridiculously stubborn selfish). because in reality, those are the only kind of men that can handle you. Who won't feel insecure because his woman doesn't 'need' him or spend her whole life and time supporting him and only his dream, asking him for money or permission to go out, talking to him every hour of every day...but instead she's enjoying every moment of everyday spent with or without him. loving him, but he is not her whole life. I've seen the signs far too many times. I'm all for supporting my man to the fullest, but I have my own dreams, goals, aspirations that i'm trying to attain, so I can't spend ALL my time being someone's cheerleader or ego-stroker and i'd hope my man would respect that. So if that's what a man needs from a woman, I've learned that I'm the opposite of what you need, because I'll just end up making an insecure person even more insecure..because I'm ok standing on my own and i'm not afraid to let that show. God birthed me an individual because he knows I'm capable of standing on my own. If you're a woman and fail to see life that way, I personally recommend you change that immediately, because if you convince yourself that you need someone else, you're really only lowering your goals, and more importantly, your standards.

So my mentality, if you com across a man with an extreme level of insecurity, its not your job to change your whole life to make him less insecure, because later on down the line you'll find yourself regretting giving up some of the things you enjoyed having or doing..or even worse giving that all up and seeing that still, nothing changes. In order for a man to be more secure, he needs to work on himself. Give him space, time, so he can grow. Give him a reason to mature and develop a sense of self, because THAT'S what's attractive in a man. You want someone who adds to your life not just conforms to yours or you to his. Be someone whose accomplishments make your man proud to brag about and call you his and allow your man to be the same to you. Be someone who keeps your man on his toes and constantly encourages him to do better, and I highly suggest as a woman, you seek the same in a man..its a better pay off in the end because you're happy with OR without a man by your side every second of everyday - its just a generally happier lifestyle.

Seek understanding in your life as an individual being,
not just in relation to someone else.

lately i've had Usher's "Papers" stuck in my head.
not on any bitter-type stuff, but i can't help BUT feel him for making this song.


as messed up as it was for him to write a song about his break up and be blatantly calling her out on her crap in front of the entire world, i'm kind of glad he did, because he makes those people who feel like they just can't do it anymore feel like it's ok to walk away. break up, even when there's still love in their hearts. understand that sometimes loving someone isnt enough to continue a successful, happy relationship. he perfectly depicts that one relationship that sucks more out of a person than the relationship seems to be bringing to them. people spend their whole relationships making sacrifices that they shouldnt have to because of 'love' until finally you just feel like can't take it anymore. i respect him for at least acknowledging that it's not that he doesnt love her, but that he just has to do it for himself.
i babbled, but basically, i'm sure there are SO many relationships out there that can relate to this song.....


this was my favorite part:

"...I'm seen around town and my friends can't recognize me,
cuz I took a chance on love. it's like I'm dying. for you I gave my heart and turned my back against the world 'cause you were my girl. I done damn near lost my mama, I done been through so much drama, I done turned into the man that I never thought I'd be. I'm ready to sign them papers, papers, papers. I done took all I can take but you leave me no options girl. I can't deny how much I love you, I done gave up everything I had to, as hard as it is I'm afraid I gotta say, I'm ready to sign them papers, papers, papers. I done took all I can take but you leave me no options girl.

I'm losin my mind. cant figure out who's wrong or right. I know it's you I love, but then I also know it's you I don't like. you claim you hate who I was, but that's the reason you here now. you think I don't know what's up, but sweetheart that's what ruined us. I ain't afraid to say I got needs, but the only time you here for me is when the bottles poppin and everything is sweet.. but I, I'm tired of sleeping in the other room spending them alone nights trying to figure out what in the hell in my heart I ain't do right for you.."

it may not be as lawfully serious as a divorce, but emotionally, it can be just as rough. but sometimes you gotta just let go when you realize a relationship is taking more from you than you should have to give. sometimes it's simply not worth it.