summer

i wrote this a while ago, figured i might as well post it..

i haven't blogged in a while. but i did tweet a few days ago that i'm not sure how to blog about how content i am with life without sounding like i'm being extra, but i'll try it anyway.

i've been back home, Los Angeles, for a little over 2 weeks. and it has been an AMAZING summer already. i think this may be due to my mindset coming home though.
see, i'm not going to lie to you, i'm scared SHITLESS about leaving for Spain at the end of the summer. i'm already sad about what i'll be leaving behind. and as soon as i say that, i get the same response from everyone "but you're going to have sooo much fun!" yeah, i knowwww... buuuut you wouldn't understand unless you were me, and had the relationships i have with the people in my life...at least the ones i hold dear to my heart. i think my fear of being forgotten also comes into play with these worries. not that i need to be on everyones mind all the time..but no one enjoys being forgotten.

and as much as i am a fan of change, i've grown to be so in love with my life and the things and people that have made it what it is, i don't want it to change. i dont want to come back to things being 'different.' ...but it's inevitable. and more often than not, change is for the better. i read once, "if you're not nervous, you're not doing it right" -- well i know i'm 100% correct on going to Spain. i'm excited out of my MIND. but extremely nervous at the same time. don't worry, i'll get over it soon enough....

anyway, with all of this on my mind, i plan to live up every second of every day. make the memories i'll cherish forever. i don't have time to waste on pettiness or any ones drama. i refuse to let anyone or anything ruin my summer. now of course there are the inevitable disputes, awkward moments, uncomfortable silences...but all it takes is for one party to move forward from the situations and the other party only looks childish if they're holding a one-sided grudge. that plus working on not getting so attached...to things, ideas..people...(obviously that's easier said than done for some...)because the last thing i need to add to my agenda is trying to say goodbye to something i can't ..or worse, don't want to, come august...


Obama did say change was going to come.