"sharing is caring" my ass!

DISCLAIMER: i hate to say it, but i don't trust very many
men and sadly..not very many women lately either...
it comes with the territory of getting your heart broken in certain ways i guess.
youre no longer naive or a hopeless romantic, or banking on love to get you through anything.
you see the reality of how shit can really go wrong for you when you become vulnerable to someone else.
and simply put, as optimistic as you try to be, a relationship just takes on awholenother meaning to you...

with that being said...

you know why it's so difficult 'dealing with' [struggling] musicians?
because it's literally their life goal to get as much positive attention as possible,
so they have to make every female they come across feel equally as special as the next. so it doesnt help a relationship when you're sharing all your man's attention with ...a plethora of other ladies and you know his grind is his priority so its not like you can discourage it or force him to stop. and there are those females who see this shared positive male attention they're receiving as the go ahead and take extreme advantage...and ladies start to make a bad name for themselves [amongst other ladies]. so basically, when it comes down to it, who ever said "sharing is caring", didn't really think that one through all the way. sometimes sharing means NOT caring...let me explain.

i have always been a huge advocate for blaming a dude if he fucks up in the relationship by dealing with another female on a level that's not fitting for someone in a relationship (bka cheating), that's on the dude. he fucked up and stepped out of bounds. plain and simple.
but lately, seeing more and more 'cheating' situations get out of hand, females are playing a large role in it too. (not to dismiss guys all together, because obviously the point in being in a relationship is to commit to one person and resist temptation)...but theses situations are never one-sided). females need to stop "not caring" because you're only giving license for dudes to stop caring about the wrongness of their actions. if you carry yourself with dignity and integrity, men will respect you. but when you let them get away with this ....shit that they do...and letting them get at you knowing they have a girl, they will only continue to do it and even worse, start to not see a problem with it because you don't let them know it is a problem. but unfortunately, this is a fairly uncommon mindset...

I don't know when girls became so........[i can't find the word]........to put themselves in the position of the "home wrecker." like, fuck the respect you don't have for the relationship for whatever reasons, that's respect you don't have for yourself. now granted, i've never been in the home-wrecker position, so i wouldn't know 'the other side' of the story, so i'll just speak on my personal view of things and hopefully no one gets too offended. if someone's in a relationship, you step back. i don't care if the person in the relationship is flirting with you, telling you he wants you or loves you, complaining, saying they want to break up with their partner, in the midst of a break up, or simply going through a rough patch - you step back...i wouldn't even mess with a dude who's "on a break" just to prevent the drama that comes along with my involvement -- but that may just be me. and you know what the even weirder part is, these females who try to step in on relationships usually know first hand what it's like to be the girlfriend on the other side - working to make a relationship work with a man they really care about while having someone blatantly working against you to bring it down. i honestly don't get how people put themselves in the position to hurt someone (whether they know them or not) ESPECIALLY in a way that they themselves have been hurt...because ya'll know it's foul. you know what you're doing and continue to do it anyway. why would you do that ....and then on top of that, try justify it?? ha. you probably even have everyone around you disagreeing with what you're doing, advising against it, telling you to back up, and you pull some 'they don't even understand'...? yeah..okay.

i've been tuning into the media lately and i swear this mindset is like a legit disease spreading amongst some females these days. These girls will be dealing with dudes they know have a girl, and a girl they know that dude really cares about, sometimes even having met their girlfriends themselves. some examples:

• Mia from Taking The Stage - The High School Home Wrecker
• Audrina from The Hills - The You're Just Being Dumb Home Wrecker
• o'girl from Yvette's job in Baby Boy that's tryna get at Jody on the side - Dirty Home Wrecker
• John Edward's mistress/possible baby mama - The Damn, Really?! Home Wrecker
  

and i've heard the excuses. "all he does is complain about her, and tells me how i'm so easy to talk to" "if he loved her, then why does he always approach me when he sees me?" "He's always hitting me up." "i'm just going along with what he's doing." "if he's flirting with me, it's not my job to care about his girlfriend, that's up to him." ok, yeah these are all true to an extent. but honestly, i'm not buying it. First of all, yeah, relationships aren't going to be easy and sometimes people are going to need to talk to someone about their issues, that does not give you the go ahead to try to step in and be his new girl. secondly, just because he's flirting with you doesn't mean you have to give into it and flirt back if not doing more..say no thanks and keep it pushin. and um, for those of you dealing with dudes in the in between, if he didn't care about his girlfriend then why are they still consistently dealing with each other? There are so many single men in the world, and you're trying to get at the one that would come with the drama. you're trying to make him leave his girl - you really think he's worth it that bad? forget your pride...it's not about pride, because there's something a little off if you're proud of what you're doing. and on top of that, it just has to occur to you that if he's that easily tempted once that he'll most likely put himself in that position again...

so do not act like you're innocent in the situation where you're 'the other woman' and you're aware of it. you're flirting with him, talking to him, hanging out with him, making him think life would be so much easier with you. you shouldnt have to do that. it shouldnt have to come down to you getting someone to leave their relationship to be with you. (and it definitely shouldnt lead to you being ok with someone staying in that relationship and dealing with you on the side.....) whatever justifications you have, forget them. they will never make sense to me, so don't bother trying to explain. if he wanted to be with you bad enough, he'd completely break up with his girl, period. having you on the side doesnt mean he likes you more, no matter what he's telling you. hiding you, is not showing you respect. talking to you only under certain circumstances does not show that he cares. if he's in a relationship, flirting and trying to get him to like you, does not make you so innocent either just because physicalities aren't involved...yet.
don't become 'that girl' in the relationship. the one that no one cares to bring up because of the bad taste it leaves in their mouth and the discomfort it brings to any conversation. don't be the girl that people associate with drama. don't be labeled the girl that no girl feels they can trust their man around. don't be the girl labeled the ho or the home wrecker or the groupie or the nameless, faceless woman that left nothing but damage on a potentially good thing, or even worse, seen as the one thing he wishes never happened.

and although i have to say i am biased towards this situation, i have still seen my share of people going down this wrong path, and it just personally affects me. i have had many friends put themselves in that position, dealing with someone in a relationship, so i've heard a lot of stories and even more excuses. i've, proudly, seen some overcome the temptation and refuse to continue to put themselves in that position (mainly ones who have felt the pain of being the girlfriend and refuse to cause any other girl that same pain, no matter the situation), while i've seen others...a majority of others...succumb to the games, believe the lies, and walk away hurting more than what it was ever worth, having gained nothing but an emotional attachment to something that was never really there. i bring all of this up to say, i strongly discourage anyone contemplating dealing with someone in a relationship to get involved; if he cared for you the way he makes you believe he does, he wouldnt put you in that position.


no man is important enough to lose your integrity, dignity or self respect over.