probably the result of trusting my intuition enough to say something, only to be reassured that i was over thinking....only to be proven that all this time, i was just being lied to.
so i was forced to second guess. and it sucks, because not everybody is as foul as the ones who have once done me so shady. and so now, i feel bad. i'm not giving everyone the fair chance because someone, somewhere a while back fucked up. doesnt everyone at least deserve the first chance to prove they are in fact trustworthy?
and go figure. a man who stands behind his words, instead of hiding and masking his lies with his insecurities. i'd be down for one of those.
i can admit, after this last blow, getting me to trust again was a doozie. i just refused to believe, refused to fall again, refused to be stepped on and kicked while i'm down - because that's what once was. then that got tiring. and believe it or not, there's nothing more tiring than running away from your emotions. not to mention how impossible it is. but the thing is, i trust myself now. i learned from my mistakes of trusting the untrustworthy - and you know it's an issue when they tell you not to trust them. i bet i'll pay attention to them when they say that next time.
now i'm just rambling.
but i can't stress this enough. not all men are the same. not all loves are the same. so if i ever end up in a situation where i've previously been hurt, i'll second guess the shit out of myself. but for now, i'm ready to invest. ....after strike one, i'll have some [re-]thinking to do.
1 comment:
"there's nothing more tiring than running away from your emotions."
this is so true.
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