to all the boys i loved before

Part 1
we are not your mothers.
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years,
yet you come to us..
wounded
and half filled with promises
you can only keep half the time;
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we have become much too accustomed to sleepless night and damp pillows..
have become much too accustomed
to waiting for our empty beds to be weighted down
with the bodies of men
heavy with the scent and the hands of other women,
and we
simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally,
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us ..or not.
play Hester Prin.
place scarlet letters on our chests.
become adulteresses,
cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve.
willing to settle for less.
willing to act like a little less than a goddess.
willing to sleep with the enemy.
men too scared to stop acting like boys,
thinking we can love away their scars..
so we take the lashes of the insecurities that they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning
for the little girls we loose by the minute.

Part 2

you said you had a photographic memory..

but apparently

you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself

and the ones you claim you love

the truth cannot be hidden.

what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light, my love..

you should have known that.

claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly,

i guess shit happens..

i just wish it wasn’t me.

and I guess it’s so much better to have loved and lost

than to never have loved at all..

i know that’s some easy shit to say

but I’m still going to try and live by it.

i’m still going to put my faith to rest in it.

i will sleep on dry pillows now,

in a bed big enough to love myself in

i will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry

and shining full of the knowledge -

i am priceless

and worth nothing but honesty.

i will remove the scarlet letter from my chest

and take the hand of the little girl I used to be

and say I’m sorry to her.

i’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved.

and I will wait

for a man to come along

that can give me the truth

of how much he can really love me.

by Mayda Del Valle