i seem to always end up with guys that alllllll the ladies love ... "ladies men."
the crazy part is though, it's more than just their looks, it's their personalities that make them ladies' men...so it's not even one of those kind of crushes that ladies get that go away once you get to know them...no...they just get stronger with time...smh.
now, the first thing that comes to mind is, why am i complaining? i have a guy who all these ladies want...but he wants me and only me. yeah, it's a beautiful thing to have something in such high demand, but after a while, watching beezies trying to get at mine gets old...and annoying...and frustrating. like, "i KNOW you know he's with me, what are you doing...?"
FYI: i'm sure the same goes for guys, but girls can always tell when a girl likes their man.
the issue for me is that, these situations we find ourselves in, don't usually start off as anything more than friendships. you know, the occasional "heeey!", aim conversations...maybe a few "what's going on tonight?" texts here and there...but when people get bored, and the conversations progress and grow longer..and deeper..and more frequent, friends realize "hey, i like talking to him/her a lot. i like the things he/she has to say...hey, maybe i like him/her!"...then that's when situations get complicated...for everyone involved. and people steadily start to cross that friendship line and begin to throw out comments that opposite sex friends don't normally say to each other......lol what? did you think i didnt know?
so, when you're in a relationship, and you have a someone you really like as friend start to like you...do you have to stop kigginit with this friend? especially if you and your partner are aware of their intentions.... because from experience, that's when i notice that either friendships go downhill...or the relationship will..
i've been confronted with this issue before. having a good guy friend who i was comfortable hanging out with, starting to like me.. now once the cat is out the bag, and all parties are aware of the situation, in a sense, i feel it would be wrong for me to continue hanging out with my friend (in small groups or just the two of us at least) anymore because (a) it seems like a situation that would send the wrong message to him/my friends/on-lookers, (b) lead him on, (c) at times maybe even make us both uncomfortable and (d) even though i trust myself to be faithful, i'd hate to put my boyfriend in that situation of knowing i was hanging out with a guy who liked me..especially because i'd hate to be put in that position myself...i dont want to be a hypocrite. but what about the friendship? is it secondary now? because i've always tried to not be the type to let my relationship take precedence over friendships...
this is kind of where the issue for me comes into play: as a girlfriend, i personally, don't feel it's my place to tell my man to stop hanging out or talking to their friend. (but from experience, sometimes if you don't set the record straight, youre putting yourself through more stress & agony than it would ever be worth...and then you might realize that you should have just said something and you wouldnt be in the mess youre in now..)
so over time,
i've developed this philosophy with my relationships (not that i'm a pro, but it's the standards by which i love). IF i put the information out there for you, that i am uncomfortable with a situation you put me in, it is ultimately up to you to continue doing what you're doing or change it, because i have done my part. either way, i am not trying to influence, dictate, pressure or force your decision, because ultimately the decision you make, gives me insight into your character..not saying that every time i complain, the "right thing to do" would be to "change," but it will tell me what situations/people/habits you feel are of enough importance (or not) to sacrifice it(or not). and of course, the same goes for him to me.
so after all is said and done,
what do you do when
you have a friend you like,
who likes you as more than a friend?
you have a friend you like,
who likes you as more than a friend?
5 comments:
you communicate. everything you're talking about is lacking communication -- if both sides really care about the friendship aspect of things (and usually he will more than the possibility of a relationship) -- then both sides should be able to communicate clearly. but thats the tough thing about this school and our age group in general, communication happens through actions, which leaves too much to interpretation. just sit down and have a chat about it, make intentions clear and explain your position and it will work itself out if the friendship is worthwhile
"communication happens through action" and through AIM, TXT , EMAIL. no longer verbal.
feels like now a days verbal convos dont happen much..thats a different topic though.
i just kno the " friend zone " is the worst, a difficult to get out safely.
yeah, that's probably the biggest issue with situations like this. everything you do is constantly being interpreted, by everyone, and more often than not, so incorrectly..
*sigh*
i beg to differ on the verbal front, i use AIM, text, email and the such all the time. but my most meaningful conversations, and the ones that define my friendships most often occur either over the phone or in person. i think the problem is people let themselves be too easily by what other people say about them and their friendships; while this can be valuable input sometimes, most often it is not. ultimately friendships stand on their own outside the context of other's thoughts, it is a matter of realizing that and enjoying the friendship for what it brings to the table.
the friend zone can be difficult, but with honesty and respect it can be a beautiful thing.
i agree with KC . theee WORST .
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