i have a bone to pick.

talking with my ..friend the other day, he addressed a few issues that i, myself, have been struggling with. wanting people to be a certain way. you know that for you to tell someone to be a better person in any aspect of their life, you have to feel pretty damn confident that your lifestyle is being lead the very best way possible. you must be perfect. well fuck that. no one should have the audacity tell anyone how to live their life or what personality to have as long as they're just living, being and doing them - not intentionally hurting anyone, where's the problem. people have minds and feelings, thus it's their prerogative to be whoever they want to be. i feel like people forget that. i honestly feel that we forget that people have lives outside of their relationships with us. i admit, i've fallen victim to it before - it's entirely too easy to do that in any romantic relationship too. but to get angry at someone for not thinking about you with every decision they make - wrong. i'm not living my life for you, and i shouldnt expect you to do the same. how can you ask someone to be 'better.' better what? better for you? live their life better to accommodate your lifestyle? 'better' so that they sacrifice their happiness for yours? because what's best for your life and your ways may not be best for them. realize how selfish you must be.

and on that note, you know what, i apologize for being so selfish and expecting people to be a certain way. it's honestly so foul on my part. i did it a lot..do it a lot. i would get frustrated with my friends who wouldnt live "rightfully." doing what i would expect myself to do in certain situations; have them doing stuff so that at the end of the day i would still be happy; expecting people to not think a certain way - shit, i am not perfect. my actions are not perfect, and my thoughts sure as hell aren't perfect. i can't expect people to be like me, (or want to be like me) or be who i want them to be in my life because it's not always about my life..it may never be about my life. it's about our individual lives and whether or not we choose to let them coincide.

if you're someone who needs a lot of opposite-sex attention, who am i to judge you. i have no idea why you are the way you are. it's beyond me to try to understand your life from an outside perspective. if you need attention, girl, boy, you flirt your little ass off. if youre a mean, bitchy type of person, i can't control that. i can just do my best to make you as happy as possible when you're around me. maybe you're forced to have your guard up because you've been hurt too many times before. more power to ya, do what you gotta do, that's that integrity. if you're a jealous, vengeful type of chick...or dude...i can't help you. i'm sorry if i, or those around you get the attention you crave. i don't go out of my way to do it. i apologize if you surround yourself with people with positive, funny, happy or uplifiting-ly, contagious personalities and attitudes that attracts others to them (and you to them initially)...so do not be mad at them.

no one lives their life for others. and if they do, shame on them. you cannot please everyone - i learned that a long time ago. it honestly comes down to looking out for yourself, first and foremost and you must surround yourself with others who appreciate that. (but of course, in the process of looking out for yourself, don't strive to hurt or hate others - just honestly, do you.)
i apologize to the friends i've lost because i "couldnt handle their personality." i'm more than aware that i'm a difficult lady myself. i apologize to those i've judged, talked about behind their back and even confronted to their face. i lastly apologize to the people who are indirectly affected by my actions. maybe if you understood that my actions aren't meant to affect you, that with any positive attention i may receive it is not my intentions to take away anything from you and your life

........ let me try that again

maybe if i understood that your actions arent meant to affect me negatively and that any positive attention you may receive is not meant to take anything away from me. just as i appreciate positive attention, i'm sure you do too. and just as i strive to be happy, as do you. we both deserve happiness. everyone does. it is not my place to change who you are or to set standards or expectations of excellence and perfection for my happiness when you are fine with yourself as your are. that's so wrong. flaws and all. any relationship, platonic or romantic, should be unconditional. now, of course, people are entitled to be fed up, frustrated and need their time apart, but at the end of the day, week (however long it takes you) the love, friendship is still there. if you can't accept all sides of me, and if i cannot accept all sides of you, who are we kidding. this partnership was not meant to happen.

now, no hard feelings. i know you just had to do what was right for you. don't mind me, i'll just be doing the same..