ahaa!

today i saw The Soloist. it was cool, but this post is not meant to be a movie review. I'm writing about it, because the plot had a lot to do with the pressures of developing a relationship with someone so willing to trust, so it kind of hit home for me. There have been a few notable times where i fall into these emotional states and tend to lean on or count on others to bring me up or bring me back...but that doesnt really have much to do with what i'm saying lol. Watching the movie, i fully realized what it would be like to be that person - the one that people wish to open up to, lean on and count on. even further, being that person and having failed someone before. and it's not always entirely their fault. sometimes people can give so much into a relationship or friendship and still fail, because life can be a jerk like that. and realistically, it takes so much courage to take another leap and try again. failing can really bruise your ego. especially so if you fail in the public eye. i used to think it was a little extreme for people to struggle with commitments and opening up, it's as simple as trusting your partner and looking for happiness....or something...but sometimes it's just not that easy. after a while, after enough encounters with failure, people can get to a point where they stop trusting themselves. you can get overwhelmed with the feeling of "whenever someone gets attached to me, they get hurt," and that's a hard mindset to shake if history has continued to prove it true. that in itself is probably the strongest guard anyone could put up in a relationship. telling people it's best if they don't get close, and can you blame them? you think its hard to find trust again in someone who has done you wrong, imagine having to find trust in yourself. it has got to be harder than it seems. the saddest part is, having someone willing to take that chance on you, isn't always enough to reel you in.

but at the same time, you can't be afraid to get close forever. eventually you'll learn to acknowledge the good you've done for and to people. just because you've messed up doesnt mean you're a bad person. people can right there wrongs. people make mistakes. there isn't always a right and wrong way to do things because this is life. and no two lives are the same. everyone will make mistakes and it's up to you to learn from them, move on and continue to be a better person with the lessons you've learned. We all know that famous Nelson Mandela saying "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." Sometimes, even deeper than the idea that we won't measure up to the greatness of someone else, in a relationship or not, we fear that we have the power to hurt so many more people than we could ever want to. It's both liberating and frustrating to have the power to cause damage, because it will especially affect the ones closest to you. it becomes extremely unsettling, because it is something that we all posses. We all have the power to hurt people when we don't intend to and that makes it hard for us to trust ourselves with those we care about and those who care about us.
Nelson Mandela also said, "there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel secure around you. we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is with in us. its not just some of us; it's in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." so that is my outlook. you can't force people to open up. as an outsider, the best you can do is be true to yourself, lead by example, and make people feel comfortable with who they are. by doing this, you must make sure that what you wish for others to do, you are doing yourself. we have to learn to trust ourselves before we can let someone else trust us. it's not always easy, that goes without saying, but it is possible.