there's so much information that i want to convey though this blog, but i've come to the realization that i can't even identify for myself what information i have in my mind. so many thoughts so many, second guesses, analysis, questions, comments, decisions...so much history. so much goes into why i am who i am today. no one will ever really understand or know what i'm trying to say fully. perhaps some people can relate (partially why i have a blog that's open to the public but not advertised. in case anyone who feels like they're the only one going through some shit, they'll see my blog and empathize of feel empathy..). i figure typing will help me reach some conclusions. but more often than not, i reach a conclusion i was already aware of. my point is. who am i? and what does that mean. i'm someone who likes to make other people happy but more often than not i sacrifice my own happiness in the process (but i try not to let it show and usually it boils up inside of me and one day i explode with a lot of anger and frustration...and i feel bad for the person who feels my wrath -_-) . is giving up something so bad? i didnt think it was until recently. i'm all about the compromise. but i have to remember that not everyone is like me, because often times i get extreeeeemely affected when others dont show me the same level of respect i'm trying to show them. whether it be much respect or little respect, reciprocity is key. i need hobbies. i need something to do that will keep me happy when others let me down. not that people suck or anything, i just get sad when i feel like i couldnt make someone happy enough. so if i stop letting my happiness rely on others' satisfaction with my friendship or whatever the case may be...i'll feel good more consistently...i'll keep pondering this 'who am i REALLY' business.
i understand this is probably confusing. typing just helps me realize my thoughts.
goodnight
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