betta half

this whole love thing is weighing on me.
it shouldnt, so from now on, i won't let it.

i want to love
and i want to love right.
but i can't give what i don't have.
don't get me wrong, i have love in me. i've just lost it.
i know this, because i wasn't always a slave to THIS kind of love.
i loved myself, and my life, and my friends above everything. but
you know how they say once you've felt what it's like to be whole, it's
hard to go back to being a half. well, i felt the whole. the whole was wonderful,
but alas, my whole crumbled, so i'm forced to be a half...if not less. but i'm not going
to let it ruin me. i'm finding the good. up to this day, there is one relationship, out of
the many i've seen, and little i've experienced myself, that is the most beautiful partnership
i could never even imagine dreaming of having. to literally be in love with your best friend and have that person be who you come home to, who you share everything with, who fathers or mothers your children, who takes care of you when you're sick, who just holds you when you can't help but cry, who does something special and random just to remind you that they love you in case you've forgotten. "someone who will give you most of their french fries without making them give you any," someone who knows you better than you know yourself, and STILL loves you regardless. well, i know that that is possible. so i haven't given up on the actual idea of love. but of course, i have learned my limits.
i will not respect someone who doesnt respect me or our relationship. i will not trust someone who does not trust themselves or trust me. and i will not expect anything from anyone, but demand that they treat me the way they would want to be treated by me.

love has been my priority for a while now. it still is because i have fallin in love with love. but forcing love isn't true. i dont do that. but love being my priority just means i'm open to experience new things, because you never know when or where love awaits. i want to fall in love with my hobbies. i want to fall in love with solitude. i want to fall in love with my studies and my career. i want to fall in love with things that will bring me happiness. i understand nothing can bring you consistent happiness, i'm fully aware of that, so i do not expect it. i'm just over here loving myself. you can love me too, or you cannot. i will be just honkey-dorey

[i am done here]