i'll admit, i let my guard down and ventured into a dangerous area with my heart unprotected, not knowing where the outcome may lead us...me...
later, i realized, i'll keep giving people the chance to prove me wrong until i die. i have too much faith in people and 'the greater good' of life, to ever give up on those i truly believe in. i have a hard time believing that not every person is a creature of God, or serves a direct purpose in helping us grow and mold us, and thus deserves to be forgiven - always.
but i'm thinking i'll stop believing that now.
not everyone and everything can be forgiven. not every mistake can go overlooked. now is the time for me to let go of and no longer resort to the memories that i hold onto, reminding me of the good times and allowing me to overlook the bad. now is the time for me to actually voice the damage people have caused me instead of brushing it off with a "don't worry about it." now is the time that i have to really express how i truly feel instead of putting up a facade to make us feel better about the mistakes we made and now, try owning up to them. next time, emotions will not mentally paralyze me and cause me to expect different results from the same actions.
i have to stop lying to myself and others for the sake of either of our feelings or egos. i need to be real. for me, love always equated to comfort - both romantic love & plutonic. but now i'm realizing love (at least, the love i pray for) is supposed to get me out of my seat, 'wow' me, and lead me to discover all of the wonders of life i had no idea existed. i'll never experience that if i continue to lie in the comfort of my past. i'm constantly growing and evolving, and no one will truly know me the way they should unless they're growing and evolving with me.
so i don't feel like i'm missing out on something i once had. it was an experience in which i gave my all. they say not all fairy tales have happy endings, but actually, they do. and if it's not a happy ending, then it's not over - with that said, every main character is still entitled to at least one trial & error.
all wounds have scars, and you can't rush the healing, so i'll just stop pretending.
